defined as:

the idiot's guide to the fast-twitch, the slow-twitch and the no-twitch as well as the beers after
..or epic ridiculocities and refreshments.

Monday, May 21, 2012

Vandervort's Corner Recap

Me sitting 2nd wheel behind Mark, photo courtesy Jeffery Jakucyk

Sunday I took the plunge and did my first ever road race. It was the last race of the OSRS , Vandervort’s Corner put on by TeamDayton. A few of us had been thinking about doing one or more of the spring races but no schedules seemed to allow it to happen. I had a free day and this race was only about 30 minutes from my house.

Turns out I was the only Rogue who had a hall pass for the day. Ted said he was going to come race, and his wife was encouraging him to race with me, but that was over dinner and more than a few drinks after the Tap ‘n Run. So I guess in the morning she came to her senses and made him stay home and build a fence.

Even though I feel pretty fit right now I figured I better stay in the Cat 5 race as it was my first ever road race, and the guy in second place overall in the Cat 5s for the series is a regular on the Beatdown with me so I figured I would not be out of place.

My plan was to stick close to Mark (2nd place guy) and near the front without doing too much work until I figured out how hard this was going to be. The course was an 8-mile loop, almost totally flat, no wind to speak of, with one little 100-foot bump.  The 5s did 5 laps for 40 miles. The small climb was steep but 7 miles from the finish so too far away to be decisive. After 3 laps it was obvious the group was not going to get split out and no one wanted to go on a suicide break away so we spent most of our time just pedaling along. I spent most of the time riding in the top 5-10 spots since farther back little gaps would open on each turn and I wanted to conserve the energy and avoid the sketchy wheels. The last lap we picked up the pace a little but it was not enough to split the field, only enough to tire my legs ensuring I would have nothing for the sprint (not that I have ever been accused of being a sprinter before)… we came to the line in a group of about 25, I “sprinted”, saw a small gap, went for it, passed a few people, and finished 11th or 12th. Not bad, but not great. I accomplished my goals of riding near the front, not crashing, and finishing with the lead group. Maybe it was the course, maybe it was the fact it was the last race and everybody was tired, maybe it was the 85+ degree heat, but the Cat 5 race was just kind of a group ride with a few sketchy bike handlers. I am glad I got in one road race this year, but overall I give the whole experience a “meh”. Crits start next week and those are a whole ‘nother story; much more fun.

A few random musings from the road race:
  • It takes a special kind of db to sit 10th wheel or so, with no teammates on the front, and yell “take it up!” Hey dude, you are more then welcome to come to the front whenever you want.
  • Do you really need to signal the turns? Aren’t the big orange cones and people waving flags enough for you? And when you signal a turn get your hands back on the bars before the turn.
  • Racing in the heat is dumb.
  • Road racing is hard, even the cat 5 race for a pretty strong rider. I need to work on being able to recover… right now I only have a few “matches to burn”
  • It would have been way more fun and exciting with teammates. The team with multiple guys in our race did not know how to control a race and did not want to ride at the front.
  • It would appear, on paper at least, that the rumors of excessive sandbagging may be true… however, each successive category looked a lot faster than the lower one. I would not want to cat up, just to get dropped in every race. In CX at least when you are dropped you are still racing, not just time trialing all alone till you get pulled or DNF.
  • Big Dave and all the organizers have their shit together. The race happened with not a single hiccup as far as I could see.

Up next is Ault Park weekly crits, then Hilly Billy Roubaix, the Hyde Park Blast, and hopefully a MTB race. OVCX Schedule was released too, so time to start thinking cross!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Back Off Bike Demo Pusher Man!


You need yoga pants!

The other day my wife dragged me into a Lululemon store. 3 hours later we walked out with a giant shopping bag full of tank tops, yoga pants, running skirts, and Lord only knows what else. As horrible as this experience sounds while we were there a strange thing happened, I almost bought some $88 dollar nylon shorts. They were very nice shorts but Christ on a crutch! $88 for nylon shorts? But the longer I looked at them the more I started to justify the price. I firmly believe the employees are trained hypnotists.  “You need these shorts. You are getting sleepy. They really are a good deal.”  Luckily seeing my wife’s pile of clothes on the check out counter knocked me back to reality and I put the shorts back on the shelf. On the way home my wife commented on how successful the brand is and what a great job they do of making you think a $75 tank top is a great deal.  Uh-huh. I have the receipt to prove what a “great deal” we got.
Well, “Demo Days” are the cycling industry’s equivalent to the Lululemon hypnosis. “Hey, you wanna ride this $8,000 carbon rocketship on the group ride tonight?”  That was what greeted me last night when I rolled up to the shop for the Wednesday Beatdown ride last night.  Sure let me ride that BMC Team Machine 01. Same frame the BMC PRO Team rides. This seemed like a good idea at the time.
Team Machine SLR01. Mmmmmm!

I will say the bike was nice. Really nice. Probably a full 4-5 pounds lighter than my steel frame with run of the mill wheels, and noticeably stiffer, especially in the turns. The best part about riding the demo bike was that about half way into the ride it started to pour down rain. And we still had to ride the dirty, pothole riddled road. This means no bike cleaning for Jason!
Upon returning to the shop Mitch, proprietor of Bio Wheels, asks me if I want to buy the bike now. “Of course I do!” Just like those $88 shorts I start totally rationalizing this $8,000 bike. Luckily I was too wet and cold to really consider it and having had a day to reflect, I realize my wife, who can casually spend hundreds of dollars on a couple tank tops, would have divorced me in a heartbeat if I came home with a new bike.  But I would be lying if told you for the entire drive home I was not racking my brain on how to find the money. I would get a small shop discount, I can sell my old bike, I don’t need ALL my plasma…

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Getting Over The Dropsies

Disney's Fish Hooks - Bad case of Dropsy
Wednesday World’s. Every city has one. The mid-week group ride that all the racer type hammerheads do. Here in Cincinnati that ride is named “The Beatdown”. And trust me, it is aptly named. I have been riding this ride fairly consistently for the last 2 years. Some nights it’s faster than others but it is never slow. Maybe it was the mild winter and everyone was able to keep more fitness, maybe it was that more of the super fast guys are showing up, but whatever the case, the first few weeks this ride seemed faster than usual. Which means the usual donkey-wheeze pace was upped to full blown snot bubbler. Needless to say, I was getting dropped pretty consistently on the ride. Sometimes solo, sometimes one or two more would get popped off the back with me, but I was not finishing the ride in the group and I always felt like Albert Glass looks in the pic above.
A wise bike racer once told me that “Training off the back is better than training off the front.” As true as that may be, getting dropped sucks. Period. So last night I roll into the shop parking lot for the ride and I was so glad I convinced a faster team mate to come out with me. I thought for sure I was getting dropped and I could use a friendly wheel to help me get home. Someone asked me what I thought the temperature would be during the ride. My response was “fast”. Looking at the crew assembled I counted 9 cat 1/2 racers, the rest strong cat 3 racers, and me. Gulp.  Our “neutral” roll out of 3-4 miles to the less trafficated roads was a 23 mph rotating paceline. This is “conversational” pace for this group.
The route we ride looks like this __________________/\______________/\___ and the rules are if you get dropped on the climbs the group will wait/soft-pedal after the climb while you catch on. If you are dropped on the flats you better know the route home.  So far this year I have been dropped in between the 2 climbs at the same point every ride. A long stretch of false flat road, usually into the wind, right after a train crossing, making for a lonely last 7-8 miles. More on that in a moment. So we roll out, get to the fast flat section and my teammate who I drug out to the ride gets caught out as a car turns in front of the group. Most of us made it through but Matt did not. He never caught back on as the pace quickly hit 30 mph. I pulled through one time and then found my way to the back left corner of the group. I stayed in that general position and hung on till the base of the first climb. A few folks were spit out the back so I knew I would not be last up the climb (a first for me on this ride!). After the climb and descent we hit Binning Rd. It is our own little Paris Roubaix. It’s a pot hole filled, half gravel, total mess of road. And of course the best time to drill it at the front. The key to making it through here is to find a good wheel to follow and pray you don’t eject a water bottle, flat, crash, or get hit head on by a car. I usually put out too much effort on this section and yesterday was not different but I hit smooth tarmac with the lead group. I knew I was for sure gonna pay for it and get shelled at the same spot I always do. Well, maybe the group was a touch slower as a few usuals were out of town, or maybe it was just a smoother ride with fewer surges at the front, or maybe, just maybe, I was strong enough, but whatever the case when we hit the little riser before the highway underpass I was still in the middle of the peloton. Holy crap, I might just make it.
As we were approaching the last hill I was in a group with some strong climbers but a smaller group was up the road a little. No one was hammering it, we just got split at a light. I knew I could not climb with the fast guys so I figured I would help out all the guys who let me sit in all night and I got on the front and buried myself to close the gap. I dropped the climbers onto the back of the front group and then sat up and put it in the little ring. That last climb was slow and painful but I could not stop smiling. You never know when you will get over a case of the Dropsies, no one knows the cure, and they can come back at any minute with no warnings and no other symptoms, but every once in a great while you can fend them off.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Death March wrap

  
The Death Bikes on the way home.

WOW! How to recap the 2012 Death March? Well, to start, we did not make any stupid bets with the Bio Wheels teams this year. That proved to be a very poor decision as they had all kinds of mechanical issues this year but they still managed to all pull in very good results. But all the Rogue teams did manage to beat all but one Bio Team. I digress…

This year 10 of us (5 teams of 2) decided early (like in January) that we would Team Time Trial it this year. Basically copy the successful formula the Big Blue Bio Train used last year. Only we were going to be a black and green blur. Or so we hoped. Myself and the other Jason let our OCD take over and we obsessed over the route and planning for weeks. All this meticulous mapping paid off though, when we found a little secret. A route that looked longer on the map was actually a few tenths of a mile shorter, had much less elevation change, and sure appeared to be a paved road. This was HUGE, since the $64,000 DM question is always “Is the shorter route with a big climb on gravel quicker than the longer route on pavement?” Or some variation of that question. This route was shorter, smoother, and flatter. Perfect for our 10 person paceline attack!

Friday before the race me, Jeff, Jason, Matt S., and all our wives and kids (16 total) head out to a local pizza and pasta joint to pre-fuel. They put us in the kids room, for good reason, and we promptly made them turn the TV from cartoon network to the Cincinnati/Syracuse Big East semi-final. Sorry kids! The Bearcats won which I took to be a good omen for the weekend.


We arrived at the boy scout camp only to learn that Huddle was sick as a dog and had been up all night puking. This meant Jeff lost his partner and became the official RRP Photog for the day. After the racers meeting we start looking for Matt and Gary… where are they? WTF, they are lost already and still in the parking lot… Gun goes off and they show up. Turns out Gary left all his supplies and water at home so he had to beg, borrow, and maybe steal some stuff to get through the race.


Me and Jason at the top of the fire tower

Our route was money and except for one un-timely flat right at the beginning of the race for Butch we were mostly incident free. Our plan was to ride together as much as possible unless someone just blew up totally figuring 9 people will be faster over the course of the day than 2 alone. The teamwork showed, and the brotherhood shared was immense. Anytime someone was struggling (which we all did at one point or another), someone dropped back to tow them up, offer some food, change a flat, you name it. We stayed together until right before Fleetwood, the last stop, and we had decided we would “race” in. I say “race” because none of us had much left in the tank. Jason and I jumped out to a big lead on the gravel section after Combs road. Dave, Evan, Matt, Gary, and Jeff bridged up pretty quick. Gary plowed on ahead, Evan fell off, and we all got to Fleetwood about the same time. Drew and Butch were a ways back so it was game on for the rest of us. Jeff blows by Fleetwood, leaving us to take our own pictures! Gary and Matt snap them and are off. I yell at Matt to take ours and he “tries” to, but just can’t get us in the picture…we eventually back on the bike and chase. Jason powers on and catches Dave, Gary, and Jeff. I finally get to Evan and put him behind me but I have nothing left. I now know what it feels like for the pros to be pedaling squares. My mind says GO! Sprint! My legs just can’t go. Jeff tries to tow me up, but to no avail. Jason, Gary, and Dave arrive before me. Matt comes around to secure the “win” for him and Gary. We all finish within 30 seconds of each other though. What an amazing display of teamwork and riding all day! It was truly awesome.

I think Jason is wearing sandals and white socks???

Not to be outdone, Hez and Sherri rode super strong and got to pretend like they took 3rd place. It wasn’t till the next day the results were corrected… still a great showing. Jeni and Darrin brought home 6th in Co-Ed and Ted and Katie nabbed a top 20 Co-Ed. This was Katie’s first ever bike race, and first time riding over 50 miles (they decided to go ahead and ride 70). Oh, and Jeni and Darrin spent the last 3 weeks working non-stop on getting the RB ready for the weekend. It’s nice to have a basecamp at these races! Thanks a million!

Some random highlights in no particular order:


Butch and Matt both climbed the fire tower. They both are terrified of heights. Butch may have cried, I cannot confirm nor deny that.

On Combs road, after nearly 50 miles of riding, I tried to choke down some Cliff Blocks. A few minutes later I had a min-vomit and tried to keep my mouth shut. This allowed Cran-Razz Cliff vomit mist to spray out of my mouth and blow right back in my face. My glasses had "churp mist" spots the rest of the day.


View from the top of the fire tower (courtesy Sarah Swallow)

On the hike a bike section of Combs, Jeff randomly pulls a McDonald’s cherry pie out of his jersey pocket (WTF?) and says “There you are! This is why I bought you this morning!”

At the “SAG” wagon Jeff was filling his camelback in a state of semi-delirium and blurted out “That’s what she said!” He had been telling himself “Don’t miss the hole,” over and over in his head while filling.

Also at the “SAG”, while most of us were taking a natural break, Butch was procuring a beer. As we all start to gather our selves he whips out a knife, stabs the beer, and shotguns it. He then announces he is ready to race. I guess so.

Something awesome happened to one team member last year behind the 2nd window on the top floor of the Story Inn. We all now know what it was, as do the 15 or so people milling about the parking lot of the Story Inn. They will never be the same...

Qdoba build your own burrito bowls are the best post race food ever. Especially when they give you giant bowls that you can overfill. Quote from some dude in line next to me: “Mine looks like a Disneyland ride!”

The RRP513 (men’s) teams finished 16th, 17th, 18th, & 20th, overall and 14th, 15th, 16th, 18th, out of the men’s division. Last year we had a 15th, a 16th, and a few in the mid twenties. The number of total teams doubled from last year so I would say we improved a bit!

Oh, and most important of all, a ton of donations were made and given to the Holden tornado effort. We might have “suffered” on the bikes for a few hours, but those people have actually suffered. Makes me so thankful for what and who I have in my life.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Confessions Of A Strava Addict

Hi. My name is Jason and I am a Strava Addict. An obsessive, compulsive, segment scouring, I’ll do anything for a fix, my life is falling apart but I can justify it, segment addict.

I once thought Strava segments were great. They were a way to measure yourself against teammates and rivals; providing some competition outside of a race. Well not anymore. I no longer want anyone else to join Strava unless I know they are slower than me. Matt and Bryan, stay the hell off. My coworker who just bought a used hybrid? Let me help you set up your account…

One second. How long is one second? Not long right? Well, one second haunted me for days. For some reason I had found myself in the top 10 on one of Cincinnati’s most popular hills. The people in front of me were all seriously faster than me but there were some big names behind me. I was starting to feel pretty good about this since my time had stood for quite a while. Then I noticed I got bumped to 11th! Oh well, I said. I am sure Mott, or Joe, or Dan, or some other super fast dude decided to go hard on the climb. Turns out two people were tied for 9th, pushing me to 11th. How much faster were they? They had me by ONE FREAKING SECOND! So naturally I reacted like every other Strava addict. I freaked the eff out!

We rode this segment on our Sunday morning team ride. I was not having a great day and we had already ridden 30 miles super hard by the time we hit the hill. I faded off the back as we climbed. I was not thinking about how climbing above threshold after 30 brutal miles in February will pay dividends at the Hilly Billy Roubaix in June. No, I was thinking how I was not going to move back into the top 10 on that ride. As soon as I knew I was not going to best my time I gave up a little. I still rode it hard, but I did not stand up on the last little kicker and sprint.

Monday my legs were shot so I noodled around on my lunch ride, avoiding all segments. Tuesday the weather was going to be nice and I had no meetings scheduled. So I planned my segment revenge. I installed a new bottom bracket Monday night rather than play Candyland with my daughter. (Don’t judge!). I packed a medium size baselayer rather than the large to save some weight. (I’m telling you Strava is worse than meth!). I ate a good breakfast at work. I skipped the coffee for water, I stretched at my desk. Then at lunch went out, pumped up the tires, removed my saddle bag and did not carry a water bottle. After a couple miles of warm up I attacked the segment. I made a note of the time on my Garmin at the start, and then rode as hard as I could without blowing up. Never looking at the garmin, just turning the cranks a little faster than I thought I should. I know this climb so well I know to be patient. There is a false “summit” near the top and the last kicker is exposed to the wind as there are no trees lining the road anymore so I knew to save some. I cleared the trees and stood up and sprinted for the segment end. I glanced down at the garmin and knew it would be close.

I was then in the unfortunate position of an addict knowing my next fix is coming but not for a few hours. What to do?!?! I don’t have an ANT stick at work!!! Damnit! The afternoon dragged on. 5:00 o’clock hit and I did my best Fred Flintstone and tore ass home. The dog can wait, I gotta upload! Come on! Come on! Done! Go to ride, YES, GO TO RIDE DAMNIT! 2 trophies! Wait, what if they are “3rd best time on that other segment no one cares about”? Scroll down…. And just like that first hit on the crack pipe, euphoria! PR on the segment. 9th overall! By how much? You guess it, one freaking second.

Alright, I gotta go. Someone beat my KOM on the segment I made out of my driveway… What? It’s uphill.

Friday, January 20, 2012

2012 - RRP at World's End

2012 training has begun. And since the world is going to end this year we decided to start our training with a party. We ate official team sushi
And cake

The ladies built pyramids

And then we made it rain up in here thanks to Mr. VIP himself
Registration opened for the Sub 9 Death March Jan 1st. I think Cox and I won the registration race (hey, a win is a win!) I have hyped this race many times as the best race I have ever ridden. The t-shirt design for 2012 only raises the bar.This year is bitter-sweet as this will be the last race for our TD racing teammate Huddle before he moves to North Carolina. We will miss riding, racing, and hanging with you but will be super jealous of the awesome riding you are moving closer to. Godspeed my friend.Speaking of moving to awesome places to ride, Jon Timmons will be flying the RRP colors in Nashville from now on. Again, sad to lose a great friend but Nash-Vegas will be a better place with the Timmons family and now we have an excuse to get down to some killer Central TN riding. Jon submitted a top 10 at the yearend party which was freaking spot on. Read it here. I couldn't get any pics of Jon to upload here but he does exist.

2012 Flying Pig Marathon registration goes up in price Feb 1 so go here and register for this super fun marathon. The RRP 513 will have a ladies 4 person relay, at least 3 or 4 Half runners, and one full 26.2 this year. The non runners are talking about bringing Heckle Hill from Kings CX to Eden Park. I hope the Pig can handle being covered in Rainbow Unicorn vomit of Awesome. Wonder if Team Hungry could be talked into bringing the Heckle Monster?

A number of folks are registered for Cohutta and Mohican already so it looks like we will have a nice big 513 contingent in the NUE series. Jeni is committed to racing for the overall this year and doing Cohutta, Syllamo’s Revenge, Mohican, Lumberjack, and Wilderness 101! This in addition to a number of 12 and 24 hours races. Safe to say she will probably rack up the most race miles of 2012.

And last but not least: want to get some early race miles in your legs? Looking for something better than the triangular torture device in your basement? Come race the Winter MTB Series at Harbin Park. Pre-Reg here to save some $$. Don’t want to race? We need volunteers to help too.

Posted from 10 Forward while enjoying a fine Romulan ale.

J

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

... and that's a wrap.



That's me failing to grab a dollar handup and the CX gods punishing me by wacking me in the face with my bars. And so ended 2011.

2011. O-V-E-R. Stick a fork in it. D-U-N. I suppose I should have some profound words about the year that was, or a witty year in review write up. I apologize in advance for lack of wittiness and lack of profoundness. Wow, both of those are actual words according to MS Word. Who knew?

2011 did see the “maturing” of our little race team experiment. We capped out at about 25 riders and I think everyone is comfortable with that number. There are a few people who have standing invites to come ride with us but for the most part we are where we need to be. And I cannot say enough about the quality of the people who I call teammates. I would (and have on more than one occasion) trust my kid with any of them. As said by more than one person we are not a team, but the fastest family in the area. Well, some more fast then others but you get the idea. It’s weird, I have friends on other teams, good friends, and I am sure they share a bond with their teammates but we have truly built something special. I love each and every one of these guys and gals and look forward to sharing more races, podiums, epic rides, training rides, heckling contests, and most importantly, beers, with you in 2012 and beyond.

As for actual racing, we started the year at the Sub 9 Death March and that is still my favorite race/ride/event I have ever participated in. We actually raced pretty well too. The summer was not as “epic” as I had planned and did only the East Fork XC race and the John Bryan 6 hour race on the MTB. JB continues to be a close 2nd to the <9DM for pure fun. I did however, get talked into racing some local Wednesday night crits on the road bike. I went into it saying “these are training for CX only” and left wanting more. I am looking forward to the crit season more than is healthy for a non-roadie!

CX was a bit of a letdown for me this year, I was in the best racing shape of my life, I bought tubies and had aspirations of a solid top 15 overall in the Mens 35+ cat 3 class this year. Well, the OVCX schedule conflicted with my life a bit and I did not do enough races to qualify for the overall series. But if I had, I would have had that top 15. Yay. OK, so it was not much of an accomplishment but I felt like I was racing pretty well this year. All in all I have no regrets, and as Myerson so famously cried, “It’s just stupid bike racing, but it means everything.”

For 2012 right now the plan is to race for fun. At the end of the CX season some of the fun of racing was going away, being replaced by the drudgery of training, racing, cleaning the mud off the bike AGAIN, and doing it all over next week. I have found I really like the endurance racing more than the XC stuff, and maybe more than CX (blasphemy!). The <9DM is on the schedule for sure, hopefully some kind of early season 6 hour or 50 mile type MTB race (April/May time frame), I am trying like hell to make Hillybilly Roubaix fit (June), a bunch of Wednesday night crits (June/July), John Bryan 6 hour if it happens again, Maybe the 6 hour at the 24 hours of DINO, Wayne Ultra, and the Sub 9 Gravel Grovel. CX may take a back seat next year. Who knows though? Half the fun is planning this crap just to see it never come to fruition.

If the interwebs are lucky I might blog a little more too…until then, Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Having your CX cake and puking it back up

There’s been a lot of talk about the CX Hangover from STG followed one week later with the Cincy3CX weekend. That is a lot of CX in 8 days. Not to worry though, USGP Derby City Cup is this weekend. Consider that your Coughlin's Red Eye of CX.
Quick recaps: Storm the Greens. Not held at an old golf course anymore so the name is sorta dated. The venue moved to Eva Bandman park, home of the USGP and the 2012 Master’s Worlds and 2013 UCI Elite world champs. And a big ass mud puddle.So the venue is world class, and I went into it with high expectations and the Papa John’s crew did not disappoint. Jeni had the RB (Rogue Battlecruiser) set up course-side for our home base. I brought the whole fam-damily and the Farrell clan was in full force too, setting up a day of racing, drinking, and child-wrangling. I don’t think drinking a High Life while racing makes me a bad parent. I mean, I passed on the bourbon shot hand ups.

This was Halloween so we all got to play dress up. Jeni and Sparkles (the Horse, not the Mullet) stole the show.I loved the race, I felt good, loved the course, rode a great race. Still finished dead mid pack. I am nothing if not consistent.

On to UCI3. I raced Friday only as I liked the course the best last year and these races carry no OVCX points now. Plus I wanted to just cheer and heckle on Sunday. And heckle we did!

The course Friday was brutal for me. Probably my worst race ever. All power climbs and 2 inches of mud everywhere. I had nothing in the tank. I was not lapped but I was pulled a lap early. I did not mind at all. I did get to see and hang with the Van Dessel team of Tony, Julia, and Jennifer again. It's always great to see them.

Sunday we decided to bring it! And it was brought. Basecamp was set up Saturday night with the RB
and then we went to work during the races!
All this resulted in a heckle-off challenge between us at Rogue and the Shamrock team for the OVCX Finale at Kings CX in December. Buckle up boys! Buckle up!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Mid Season CX Post

Shit, half the Cyclocross season is over already. Where did the year go? Oh well, a few snippets and observations so far:

• When new teammates are fast they just make the rest of us look slow. Since joining up in mid September, most of Bryan’s race days have ended like this: (although the see-thru skin suit may be a bad look...)



• Masters aged racers are delicate, fragile little things. Seiler, Segal and Kay are done for the season, Jerry missed a few weeks, some dude I don’t know taco’ed a wheel and reportedly he spent some time in the ER, and Matt is still nursing his busted up wrist from trying to hop barriers.

• It it’s raining it’s Wednesday.

• There are at least 13,674 children racing for Lionhearts and RedZone combined.

• They are ALL faster than me.

• They all have $9,000 bikes.

• I am jealous.

• Racing at noon > racing at 8:00 am.

• Convincing one of your teammates to buy an RV is a worthwhile endeavor.

• Running into an Airedale sucks ass.

This season has been fun so far, and I am hoping I can keep some kind of form through the next month of sporadic racing and dwindling daylight. I am however already looking at next year’s race schedule. Sub 9 Death March is locked in, at least one “epic” MTB race will find its way on to the schedule, hopefully another gravel road race (or 2), some local 6 hour races, and then back at CX. I so want to do the American Ultracross Championship Series but that is probably a gravel road right to divorce. So, if anyone wants to do these races and let me live vicariously through you, that would be appreciated.

That’s it till STG. I will try to get some race reports or at least a recap or two up during the remainder of the season.
JG

Monday, September 12, 2011

Tell Me Again Why I Thought Catting Up Was A Good Idea?



Huber’s Apple CX on Sunday, the Bob’s Red Mill Oatmeal Cup, was my first “non-beginner” Cyclocross race. What’s funny is all the sandbaggers (errr, “rookies”) from last year in the 4s lined up next to me again in the 3s… the more things change…


I was told that Huber’s Apple farm/winery/restaurant/vineyard was a great place for the family and a great cx course. So, I loaded up the wife, child, father in law, mother in law, brother in law, and 2 nephews for the 2 ½ drive to Starlight, IN. Can’t find it on a map? That’s because the only thing in Starlight, IN is a silo. Seriously.


We arrive at the venue and I must say, Joe Huber has quite a spread. I unload, register, change and pin a number. The fam heads over to the farm to take hayrides, pick apples and ride ponies while I warm up. The course is fast but challenging. A steep run up is rideable but at what cost? A double sand pit the same. Overall a great test for the new tubies (worked flawlessly) and a good reminder what CX is all about (sweet, sweet pain). Big props out to the Bob’s Red Mill team for course design and a well run event. Those guys are 100% class. And not slow on bikes either.


My race was fairly uneventful. Good start, sand pit tangled everyone up, the fast guys dropped me, I caught and passed a few riders, I held off Christian because he only had 2 gears. I was the last rider not lapped so my final lap was lonely until the elite guys warming up caught up to me. Having my father in law as a cheering/screaming lunatic on the hill climb made it hurt a little less. The shouts of “C’mon Rogue!” always push me a little, and having my daughter ringing her “jingle bell” at the sand pit always makes me go faster. Not so fast I can’t smile and wave though… and best cheer goes to my wife who channeled Ricky Bobby combined with the Trent to Mikey speech, screaming at me in the sand that I was an “Animal in the sand! A SAND ANIMAL!”


This year in the 3s is going to be a challenge. 45 minutes is a loooonnnnnng time and all the racers are fast(er). Hopefully I can “race myself into shape”. After my race we headed over to shop for overpriced pie filling, took a lap through the corn maze, and then sat down to the buffet dinner the racers got at a discount. DAMN! Mrs. Huber can make some fried chicken and apple cobbler. This was probably my first race ever where I did not leave with a calorie deficit. I am glad this place is 2.5 hours from my house because I would be racing Clydesdale.


Here are crappy cell phone pics proving I climbed the steep hill.


And here is the real reason we came down here. Dad’s race can’t compete with this.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Apple CX Weekend-Its Okay




So why did I start this off with Pearl Jam covering a Dead Moon song?(and go look up the original, solid 80's Oregon husband and wife punks). I guess between starting a new job, working like crazy and training less than I'd like to as I upgraded to Cat 3's, this is my thought....not a great plan for winning but this first race is just to jump in deep.

So whats on the menu?

We have a big weekend coming up here in the village. Friday we have Ryan Freaking Trebon doing a crossy clinic over at Eva Bandman. Thats a solid start and would be awesome even if Apple CX wasnt Saturday and Sunday.
But it is, boys and girls.
I'll be missing Saturdays race due to a conflict w KidA's CC schedule, but I'll be there to get my ass handed to me on Sunday as we haul it thru the orchards at Joe Hubers. Im thinking JoeCz and the BRM CX boys and ladies have a few fun things up their sleeves.

Time to throw it out there and see what happens.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

A Tree Farm @ Apple CX?

Oh yes, cyclocross season is coming and theres already some cool shit afoot. Like what you say? Inquisitive little shit, arent you. How about a clinic with Ryan Trebon to kick off Apple Cross? You better believe I registered myself before I posted this. Im a huge fan and cant wait to see if he can teach normal sized people some of the trick that are usually reserved for the more "seiler-esque" in the group.
And then theres the main event. Apple Cross is at Huber's Apple orchard, so theres actually stuff for your family to do instead of just standing around pretending not to be embarrassed by your "racing" efforts. What? Just me?
Well, we had a blast last year. We had lunch and picked apples all after a good effort at sucking on the cross course.
I like racing thru the orchard and the setting just feels like fall.
Check out the website. Hubers AppleCross
No, seriously, do it now.
More to come on this...

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Shhhh! I think I hear cowbells in the distance…

If you haven’t heard Cyclocross season is here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Time to glue up the tubies, procure your fine embrocations, and be able to say “I put on my new skinsuit” and not have it be creepy.

Ever wonder what a CX bike would look like if Christmas threw up on it?


Only in CX racing can we get excited about ugly bikes. Sure, those swanky Iglehearts are bad ass. And the Quantonium injected, Unabtainium alloy/Carbon fibre mix frames weigh like ½ a pound and are at least 63% more vertically compliant and 72% more laterally stiff. But there is always something special about the ugly franken bike most of us race. And there is something to be said about putting $600 wheels on a $100 bike like I will this year. My wife sure had something to say about it… My current cross frame only has 2 dents and the stays only have two coats of touch up paint. That’s practically brand new for a CX rig.


Anyway, registrations are opening. All the OVCX races this year are on Bikereg.com for one stop shopping. We have Huber’s Apple Cross and the Lionheart CX as pre-season races this year. And for the first time the Ohio Valley gets a USAC Regional Masters Championship race.


This week all the practices are starting and next week the weekly CX TT series in Cincinnati starts. Since the road time trial is called the “race of truth”, I am dubbing the CX version the “race of it’s-not-a-lie-if-I-believe-it.”


Hup-hup buttercups.


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Racing for Relief

The John Bryan 6 Hour Race for Relief is the fundraiser to pay for the port-a-johns at the mountain bike trail head at John Bryan State Park in Yellow Springs OH. A good cause we all benefit from when nature calls. And it is one of the most fun events of the year. Add to that Jeff Cyrus and I took home 3rd place last year and it's no wonder I was looking forward to it.

Saturday night I had trouble falling asleep. Mayhap is was the 3 lbs of pasta from Pompillio’s (of Rain Man toothpick scene fame) or the tub of ice cream I washed it down with. Dunno, but as the midnight Sportscenter came on I figured I had better get to sleep. I awoke at 5:15 am, stumbled out to make coffee, glanced out the window into the pre-dawn and wondered why my neighbors left a strobe light on all night. Turns out it was actually lightning. Uh-oh, I have a 6 hour MTB race today… oh well, maybe it won’t rain.

I eat some oatmeal, drink some coffee, handle my morning bidness, and get dressed. Pack the cooler with PB&J sandwich, a recovery drink, and a 24 oz can of Hudy Amber. Grab the 5 gallon water jug and head into the garage to wait on Cyrus to pick me up. Stierwalt was supposed to carpool with us but because of a moment of sweet-cx-barrier-bunny-hopping stupidity he now looks like this:
At about 6:15 I am huddled in my garage while thunder and lightning crash and the rain is pouring down sideways. Good omen for a mountain bike race right? Jeff and Cox get there and we head north toward Yellow Springs. About 30 mins into the drive the rain stops and the roads are dry. Reports from the Rouge Racing Project Shanty Town that J-Roo and D-Train set up are of no rain on course! Sweet.

We roll into the parking lot to see this:
That’s what I’m talking about. Our home for the day, RRP Shanty Town.

96 total racers were participating. RRP had 18 (18.75% of the field!). Including the greater Rogue Family of: QCW (Dobrozi’s, Petrov’s, and Big Air Jer), Sparky, Corey, BKing, the BWR crew (Jimmy Road Rash, TBBE, Gerry, Mama Petrov, Gers, TJ, and Scott), Marty-Mar, Bill, B-Horton Who heard a Who, the Lionhearts (Nickzilla, Kenzie, and Rachel), the Trek Store Cincy team of B-Jet & Matt and the Redzone Haley Duo, we had damn near half the field covered with people to cheer for/heckle.

Bryan Horton came bearing gifts from Team CNC: so the day started proper.


We milled about, getting dressed, forming team “strategies” and the solo riders were trying to mentally prepare for between 50 and 90 miles of “fun” .


Last year I started for me and Cyrus so this year he got to do 4 laps and me 3. The start was LeMans style, with a pretty long run, uphill.

Huddle looking manly as he skips through the bikes Jeff at the start. Notice Darrin running the wrong direction... he was not the only one to "lose" his bike in the confusion After that it was back to camp for the teammates to wait for them to exit the woods. About 55 minutes later the leaders come out of the singletrack. Brent, Cameron, James, Joe, Marty all together. There’s one of the Haley’s, and one of the Dobrozi’s. Those kids are like freakin’ Tribbles, must be a million of them. Placke was in there, Evan takes off in the lead of the men’s duo. Darrin and Jeff exit together in a group. Looks like RRP are dominating the front of the duo race. Gary and I take off chasing Evan and the other Dobrozi. I try to hold Gary’s wheel for as long as I can but he is not interested in waiting on me. I let him go knowing I cannot afford to blow up on lap one. In the turns I see Gerry from BW up ahead. I know Joe had a great first lap and she is the leader in the co-ed duo. Slowly I start to reel her in. On the entrance to the second part of singletrack Corey had caught me. We both catch onto Gerry, we pass, and Gerry settles on my wheel. The miles tick by and we are in a smooth groove. In some of the power sections I pull away from Gerry and then catch Dobrozi right at the exit. Jeff takes over and I go try to cool down and get a status update. Looks like I gave up about 4 mins to Lunsford. Corey made up all the ground Jeff gained on Bryan on their laps and Dave and Evan are still in the lead we think.

My next lap is quite uneventful. I pass some people, some people pass me. I am pretty sure I am not racing any of them. I got to ride with Huddle for a while till he decided it was time to drop me.
From the looks of things the pointy end of the male solo race is flying! No huge gaps with time to rest in the pits. The top 4 are separated by about 1 min. James had a great write up about the pointy end of the race here.
As the laps and hours tick be the day becomes a blur. It’s hot. The “hills” on the course all feel like Everest, the recovery time is not enough. But it is a blast. Jeff gets back on his 3rd lap and we are sitting somewhere between 5th and 7th place. Corey and BKing, Darrin and Gary, Dave and Evan are well out in front of us, there is another group we don’t know, and the Dobrozi clan is out there somewhere. I need to turn a lap near to an hour to send Jeff out for a 4th and get us a 7th lap. It is much harder to hammer this lap, I have no power so I try to stay smooth and be more efficient. As the time ticks by I start to worry I will miss the cut off. I come out with about 10 minutes to spare. Mission accomplished.


As the results come in we start to realize the dominance the Cincy area showed with winners in just about every division/category. I am not gonna list them all, go here for the results.

Turns out Jeff and I beat our time from last year by 2 minutes yet came in 5th this year. That’s what we get for convincing all our fast friends to come race with us! This event gets better every year. No fancy prizes, no uptight rules, no USAC points on the line, it is just good old fun with a great group of people. The pro’s always say the course does not make the race, the racers do. That’s true everywhere. The course, the prizes, the glamour, those things don’t make a great race. The friends old and new, the competition, the feeling you cannot let your teammate down, those things make the race. And the beers afterward, those help too.

A few more pics.

Darrin, before he washed his legs off, and Gary holding some hardware.
Joe (The Best Bike Blog Ever) looking smug and showing of the newest fashion trend: Cycling-Dork Chic while Gerry holds an imaginary beach ball. Of course they were walking to the top step of the podium so they get a pass.
Sweet RRP banner and Matt's frame hanging just in case... he loaned his wheels to Corey for the race.